I get up every morning determined both to change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult. (E.B. White)


There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. (Beverly Sills)


Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? (Phyllis Diller)


I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes…and six months later you have to start all over again. (Joan Rivers)


No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you’ll see why. (Mignon McLaughlin)


My apathy is at an all-time whatever.


If I had a nickel for every time I got distracted…Wow, I wish I had an ice cream cone.


I decided to change calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim.” I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.


Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion. (Scott Adams-“Dilbert”)


If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. (Tony Robbins)


Life is the proper binge. (Julia Child)


Weather forecast for tonight: dark. (George Carlin)


For the most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage, or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink, or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness. (Andy Rooney)


TV or not TV. That is the question. (Lynn Joy “Tweakie” Kroeger)


I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. (Ernest Hemingway)


Slow but steady wins the race. (Aesop)


Luck is being ready. (Brian Eno)


No one has ever said on their deathbed, “Gee, I wish I had spent more time alone with my computer. (Danielle Berry)


The hardest thing about doing nothing is knowing when you’re through. (Sid Shults)


Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser-known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work. (Lemony Snicket)


Personally, I’m waiting for caller IQ. (Paula Poundstone)


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.


Reality leaves a lot to the imagination. (John Lennon)


The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. (Bertrand Russell)


My mind has changed during the last twenty or thirty years. Now for many years I cannot endure to read a line of poetry. I have also almost lost my taste for pictures or music. My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts.

            If I had to live my life again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week. The loss of these tastes is a loss of happiness. (Charles Darwin)


Good grammar skills is something in which I excel in.


Education is what you read in fine print; experience is what you get when you don’t. (Pete Seeger)


Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. (George Carlin)


I used up all of my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.


Nobody ever died of a dirty house. (Helen Staneski)