JIVE & CHOPS

 

You look like a hundred bucks!

 

Here he is…the Van Gogh of music…he doesn’t have an ear.

 

So long, King Kong.

 

Good thinkin,’ Lincoln.

 

And now, here he is, the poster boy for birth control….(Rodney Dangerfield)

 

You’re a neo maxi zoom dweebie. (John Hughes)

 

You’re just like good wine…You should be locked in a cellar.

 

Is that your face or did your pants fall down?

 

You need a check-up from the neck up.

 

He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others. (Samuel Johnson)

 

Lester Young was playing one night with a drummer he really didn’t like. The drummer kept on trying to be friendly all night, he finally trapped Lester at the bar after the gig was over, saying, “I sure had a good time tonight, Pres…I’ve been thinking, when was the last time we worked together?” Lester’s answer…”Tonight!”

 

How many polyesters were killed to make that suit?

 

Is that your head or did your neck throw up? (Tom Waits)

 

I’d like to help you out…which way did you come in?

 

You look tired…have you been thinking?

 

Did your mother have any children who lived?

 

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

 

He had delusions of adequacy. (Walter Kerr)

 

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. (Winston Churchill)

 

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. (Oscar Wilde)

 

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. (Forrest Tucker)

 

I’d love to chat but I gotta scat.

 

Let’s play “Horse.” I’ll be the front end…you just be yourself.

 

I’m writing a term paper on jerks…May I interview you?

 

You guessed’er, Chester.

 

Somebody school that fool!

 

Ain’t nothin’ but a party!

 

Stick out your cans..here comes the garbage man.

 

Don’t kill that half pint!

 

Put down that racing form and pay attention! (Louis Jordan)

 

Give me a huge break, one time!

 

We’re lookin’ like home cookin.’

 

I hear you buzzin,’ cousin!

 

On your mark; get set; go away!

 

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. (Oscar Wilde)

 

Hi…my answering machine is out of order…this is Willy speaking.

 

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. (Groucho Marx)

 

I see your IQ tests were negative.

 

What’s steamin,’ Demon?

 

Plant you now and dig you later.

 

Did you heard me?!

 

How it is?

If I don’t see you in the future, I’ll see you in the pasture.

 

I’ll check you now and cash you later. (Craig Buhler)