KID JOKES

 

What is large, gray, and wears glass slippers?...Cinderelephant.

 

Why does Piglet smell so bad?...He always plays with Pooh.

 

What’s a tree’s favorite drink?...Root Beer! (Nicole, 6)

 

What do you get when you cross a duck and a rooster?...A duck that gets up at the quack of dawn! (Jack, 10)

 

Why did the apple take out a fig?...Because he couldn’t find a date. (Faith, 9)

 

Girl: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

Boy: I don’t know.

Girl: So they can hide in cherry trees.

Boy: I’ve never seen an elephant in a cherry tree.

Girl: See, it works!

 

What’s an astronaut’s favorite meal?...Launch!

 

What did the ocean say to the sky?...Nothing. It just waved. (John)

 

What lives underwater and loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?...A peanut butter and jelly fish.

 

What birds always stick together?...Vel crows. (Caroline)

 

How would you feel if you ate 100 pancakes?...Just waffle.

 

Why should you never fly with Peter Pan?...Because you’ll never, never land.

 

Darth Vader: Luke Skywalker, I know what you’re getting for Christmas.

Luke: How do you know?

Vader: I felt your presents.

 

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Hatch.

Hatch who?

Are you catching a cold?

 

Why was six afraid of seven?...Because seven eight nine.

 

A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.

 

What is H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O?...The formula for water: H to O (H2O). (Jeremy)

 

What is the biggest pencil in the world?...Pennsylvania. (Marine)

 

What’s the president’s favorite vegetable?...Barackoli. (Lochtyn)

 

What has a head and a tail but no body?...A coin. (Shreya)

 

What do you call a fish with no eyes?...A f sh.

 

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?...Nectarine.

 

What do you call a vampire who lives in the kitchen?...Spatula! (Megan)

 

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?...Swimming trunks. (Lindsey)

 

What goes ‘ooooo’?...a cow with no lips.

 

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?...Frostbite.

 

What did one volcano say to the other volcano?...I lava you. (Mark)

 

What kind of music do mummies like most?...Wrap.

 

Why are spiders good baseball players?…They are good at catching flies. (Andrew)

 

What did the judge say when the skunk walked in?…Odor in the court! (Ryan)

 

Playing baseball alone in his backyard, a boy announced, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!” He tossed the ball into the air, swung hard, and missed. “Strike one!” he yelled. He picked up the ball and said again, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!” Feeling confident this time, he lobbed the ball, swung…and missed. “Strike two!” he yelled. The boy examined his bat and then his ball. He spit on his hands, rubbed them together, then tugged his cap and repeated, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!” Again he tossed the ball, swung and missed. “Wow!’ the boy exclaimed. “I’m the greatest pitcher in the world!”

 

What kind of keys don’t work?...Monkeys and donkeys. (Griffin)

 

What runs faster, hot or cold?...Hot, anyone can catch a cold. (Brennen)

 

What building has the most stories?...The Library. (Robert)

 

What did the squash wear to the beach?...A zucchini. (Samantha)

 

What songs do the planets sing?...Neptunes. (Caroline)

 

Why did the whale cross the road?...To get to the other tide.

 

What do clouds wear under their shorts?...Thunder pants.

 

What happens to frogs that park illegally?...They get toad.

 

What kind of animal shouldn’t you play cards with?...A cheetah. (Ann)


When is a door not a door?...When it is ajar. (Joey)

 

Which is faster…hot or cold?...Hot, because you can catch a cold. (Wardah)

 

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
'This is the dumbest kid in the world.  Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.  
'What did I tell you?' said the barber.  'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son!  May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his ice cream cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'

 

What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?...Winnie-the-P U. (Alfred)

 

Why did the chicken cross the playground?…To get to the other slide. (Gabriela)

 

I was going to look for my watch, but I could never find the time. (Sean)

 

What do you call cheese that is not yours?...Nacho cheese. (Sydney)

 

How much do monkeys like bananas?...A bunch.

 

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?...A stick. (Chris)