MONEY

 

Less is the new more.

 

Not getting behind is the new getting ahead. (Charlie Hunter CD title)

 

Due to current financial constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice.

 

(Talking about television) If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ in color for a full hour, there would be a considerable number of stations which would decline to carry it on the grounds that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable. (Edward R. Murrow)

 

At the bank, I told the cashier, ‘I’d like to open a joint account please.’ ‘OK, with whom?’ ‘Whoever has lots of money.’

 

Debt---An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave driver. (Ambrose Bierce)

 

Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection. (Aaron Caro’s Ruminations.com)

 

I just met Darth Vader’s corrupt brother, Taxi Vader.

 

Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver. (Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)

 

I’m underpaid and worth every penny of it.

 

Money talks---but credit has an echo. (Bob Thaves)

 

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. (Spike Milligan)

 

Nothing is worth more than this day. (Goethe)

 

If you fear change, leave it here. ( Sign on a restaurant tip jar)

 

Everybody needs money. That’s why they call it money.

(Danny De Vito in “Heist” (2001), screenplay by David Mamet)

 

Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. (Source unknown)

 

8 nickels=2 paradigms

 

I spent most of my money on women and drink and like a fool I squandered the rest. (Benny Hill)

 

There is nobody in this country who got rich on their own. Nobody. You built a factory out there…good for you.

But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn’t have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory…

Now look. You built a factory and it turned into something terrific or a great idea…God bless! Keep a big hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along.         (Elizabeth Warren)

 

A study of economics reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. (Whit Stillman)

 

I bet you I could stop gambling.

 

The two most beautiful words in the English language are “check enclosed.” (Dorothy Parker)

 

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. (Fran Lebowitz)

 

I’m as broke as the Ten Commandments. (Terry Robb)

 

There’s something about getting up at 5 AM, feeding the stock and chickens, and milking a couple of cows before breakfast that gives you a lifelong respect for the price of butter and eggs. (William E. Vaughan)

 

The lack of money is the root of all evil. (Mark Twain)

 

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. (W.C. Fields)

 

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

 

I am having an out-of-money experience. (Author unknown)

 

Dealer: “19.”

Homer: “Hit me!”

Dealer: “20.”

Homer: “Hit me!”

Dealer: “21.”

Homer: “Hit me!”

Dealer: “22.”

Homer: “D’oh!”

(The Simpsons)

 

Honesty is the best policy…when there is money in it. (Mark Twain)

 

So long as there’s a jingle in your head, television isn’t free. (Jason Love)

 

It’s not that it’s so good with money, but that it’s so bad without it. (George Sanders)

 

If your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep will be your downfall.

 

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be. (Rita Rudner)

 

Money buys privacy, silence. The less money you have, the noisier it is; the thinner your walls, the closer your neighbors. The first thing you notice when you step into the house or apartment of a rich person is how quiet it is. (Fran Lebowitz)

 

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising, then they wouldn’t have to advertise them. (Will Rogers)

 

I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money. (Pablo Picasso)

 

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your wallet. (Will Rogers)

 

Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man’s, I mean. (Mark Twain)

 

I had plastic surgery last week…I cut up my credit cards. (Henny Youngman)

 

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. (Jackie Mason)

 

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn’t go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one the he’s got. ( Will Rogers)

 

I’ve got the Midas touch…everything I touch turns into a muffler.

 

Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth. (Mark Twain)

 

You can fool some of the people some of the time…and that’s enough to make a decent living. (W.C. Fields)

 

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

 

Two can live as cheaply as one…for half as long. (“Back To Broke”)

 

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

 

Let’s go Dutch…you pay and I’ll wear wooden shoes.

 

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

 

Money doesn’t always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. (Hobart Brown)

 

Money’s like manure…It doesn’t do any good unless you spread it around.

 

The Income Tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. (Will Rogers)

 

That’s the way it goes…first your money, then your clothes. (Irene Hennessy- my mom)

 

Credit is a system whereby a person who cannot pay gets another who cannot pay to guarantee that he can pay. (Charles Dickens)

 

I started out with nothing, and I’ve managed to hold on to most of it.

 

They say money talks, well, mine just says “Goodbye.”

 

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. (J. Paul Getty)

 

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today, and I found a wallet. I was going to keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: Well, if I lost $150, how would I feel?  And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. (Emo Philips)

 

There are two slaves in a consumer society: the prisoners of envy, and the prisoners of addiction. (Ivan Illich)

 

If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

 

During the contest for the 1961 Democratic presidential nomination, John F. Kennedy visited a mine in West Virginia. “Is it true you’re the son of one of our wealthiest men?” asked one of the miners there. Kennedy admitted that this was true. “Is it true that you’ve never wanted for anything and had everything you wanted?” “I guess so,” Kennedy replied. “Is it true you’ve never done a day’s work with your hands all your life?” Kennedy nodded. “Well, let me tell you this,” said the miner. “You haven’t missed a thing.”

(Bartlett’s Book of Anecdotes)

 

How come the rich people have all the money? (Red Skelton)

 

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

 

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.

 

A college diploma is just a big fancy receipt. (Aaron Karo)

 

So you think that money is the root of all evil? Have you ever asked what is the root of money?  (Ayn Rand)

 

I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.  (Sophie Tucker)

 

Billionaires pay a lower tax rate than their secretaries…Does anyone have a problem with that? (Elizabeth Warren)

 

Some people think they are worth a lot of money just because they have it. (Fannie Hurst)

 

Money often costs too much.  (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

 

What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. (Henny Youngman)

 

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class. If your name is on your shirt, you’re poor. (Rich Hall)

 

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.  (Woody Allen)

 

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like. (Will Rogers)

 

Where the hell is “Easy Street?”

 

It isn’t what a man has that constitutes wealth. No…it is to be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. (Mark Twain)

 

A New York musician once won $75,000 playing the lottery. An on-the-street TV reporter asked him, "What are you going to do with such a large sum of money?" The musician replied, "I guess I'll just keep working until it's all gone."