QUESTIONS

 

If corn oil comes from corn, and olive oil comes from olives…where does baby oil come from?

 

What if Aretha Franklin married Buddy Holly?  She’d be Aretha Holly.

 

Who needs rhetorical questions?

 

If “Quitters never win and winners never quit”…who came up with “Quit while you’re ahead?”

 

If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

 

Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?

 

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

 

If truth is beauty, how come no one has her hair done in a library? (Lily Tomlin)

 

Why do they put up pictures of criminals in the post office?  What are we supposed to do…write to them?

 

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

 

When blondes have more fun…do they know it?

 

If Man evolved from the monkeys and apes…why do we still have monkeys and apes?

 

What washes up on really small beaches?...Microwaves.

 

If you wear an antenna to your wedding…do you get better reception?

 

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?  They taste funny.

 

Why is a man who invests all your money called a broker?

 

What do you have when a midget fortune-teller escapes from prison? A small medium at large.

 

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?

 

If “Love is blind”…why is lingerie so popular?

 

Why did the chicken go to the séance?  To get to the other side.

 

If a pig loses it’s voice…is it disgruntled?

 

If you try to fail and you succeed, what did you just do?

 

What’s another word for “Thesaurus?” (Steven Wright)

 

If “All the world is a stage”…where is the audience sitting?

 

Why do we sing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” when we are already there?

 

If “Ignorance is bliss,” why aren’t more people happy?

 

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

 

What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

 

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

 

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

 

If you shoot at a mime, should you use a silencer? (Steven Wright)

 

Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?

 

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

 

Why don’t they have dessert at breakfast?

 

If I live in a fantasy world, why do I have to pay taxes? (Rita Rudner)

 

What is the difference between a slim chance and a fat chance?

 

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

 

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

 

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

 

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

 

When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, and you put in your two cents worth, what happens to the other penny?