I really didnít say everything I said. (Yogi Berra)


There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.


I hurt all over more than any place else.


You can lead a horse you rode in on to water but donít look him in the mouth.


Thatís the first time thatís ever happened again.


So, do you live around here often? (Steven Wright)


Are you always like this when you get this way?


You can observe a lot by watching. (Yogi Berra)


Indecision may or may not be my problem.


Include me out! (Samuel Goldwyn)


Youíve buttered your bread, now sleep in it.


My narcissism is much more extreme than yours. (Sparrow)


Oh wellÖhalf of one, six dozen of the other. (Joe Garagiola)


I donít dress this way to make them look at me. They look at me Ďcause I dress this way. (Willie Chambers of the Chambers Brothers)


If I agreed with you then weíd both be wrong. (Bumper sticker)


I went for a walk last night and my girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ďThe whole time.Ē(Steven Wright)


That doesnít make even more sense.


Sometimes autocorrect can be your worst enema. (Shari Vanderwerf)


Donít just do something, stand there!


Broken pencils are pointless. (M. D. Rosenberg)
If thereís anything I can do for you, please, hesitate to ask. (John Sandford from ďShock WaveĒ)


I feel much more like I do now than when I first got here.


You may be wrong but youíre not far from it.


Iíd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. (Pigeye Powers)


Iíll look forward to looking back on this. (Source unknown)

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. (Lily Tomlin)

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. (Henny Youngman)


I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. (Steven Wright)


I canít see you so donít pretend to be there.


Without Geography, youíre nowhere. (Jimmy Buffet)


Those who donít learn from history are doomed to reheat it. (Sparrow)

(Sign seen outside a club) Members and nonmembers only!


(Answering the phone) Is this the party to whom Iím speaking? (Lily Tomlin)


If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body, then only left-handed people are in their right mind.


You look like I need a drink. (ďNakedĒ)


When I was a little kid, I had a mood swing set. (Steven Wright)


Put me out of your misery.


Every morning is the dawn of a new error.


I didnít do it and Iíll never do it again.


I am a deeply superficial person. (Andy Warhol)


If you need anything, Iíll call you.


I never liked you and I always will.


Why donít you watch where Iím going!


I didnít come in here and I sure as hell ainít leaviní!


Thatís what I always say sometimes.


I thought youíd never hear from me!


Come back when you canít stay longer.


I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. You couldnít park anywhere near the place. (Steven Wright)


Itís been nice trying to talk to you.


Glad you had a chance to meet me.


Keep in touch with yourself.


Everybodyís entitled to my opinion.


If people from Poland are called ďpoles,Ē why arenít people from Holland called ďholes?Ē


There must be a harder way to do this.


Thank you very little. (Tom Newbill)


Donít ever changeÖI want to forget you just the way you are.


If you donít get everything you want, think of the things that you

†††† donít get that you donít want.


Nostalgia isnít what it used to be.


I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.


Itís okay to be redundant, as long as you donít repeat yourself. (Pigeye Powers)


Funny, I donít remember being absent minded.


I can resist anythingÖexcept temptation.


Itís bad luck to be superstitious.


Honk if you love peace and quiet.


I have gone to get myself. If I return before I get back, hold me there. It is very important I see myself before I get confused.


The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. (W.C. Fields)


People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. (Isaac Asimov)


All generalizations are false. (R.H.Grenier)


I get up at 6 A.M. no matter what time it is. (Yogi Berra)


A New Yearís resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.


I think itís wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. (Steven Wright)


If I had a dollar for every time I got distractedÖI wish I had an ice-cream cone.


Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted, but getting what you have, which once you have got it, you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. (Garrison Keillor)


I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. (M. D. Rosenberg)